You KNOW You’ve Been Gardening TOO LONG When…….

435890-Royalty-Free-RF-Clipart-Illustration-Of-An-Angry-Mad-Beating-A-Weed…when your garden is tidier than your house

…when you visit a friend’s house, and start pulling their weeds

…when looking at the compost heap makes you feel all warm inside.

…when you take a second look at the advertisement, “Grow Veggies in Minus 20 Degrees”

…when you start to recognise weeds by their roots.

…when you keep high definition photographs of your tomatoes and peppers on your desk at work.

…when you butt in and correct GC staff giving incorrect advice to other customers.

…when you catch yourself day-dreaming about manure, lots of it, gently steaming.

…when you look down your nose at “weekend gardeners” who don’t start their own annuals from seed.

…when you squish bugs by hand without shuddering.

…when your friends and neighbours avoid you as soon as the courgettes start fruiting.

I can admit to several of these (and some not listed) – but it will take thumbscrews to draw a full confession from me.  Would love to hear about your horticultural foibles, and to know that I am not wandering alone in an unsympathetic and disbelieving world.




41 Responses

  1. gertie says:

    ” You’re not Sheila, :-) ” she says rather in surprise and disbelief !! ditto your comment, except if I’m wandering alone then so be it…except as a gardener, you’re never wandering alone anyway gal. :-)

  2. gibbon says:

    you have that in a nut shell’ my worst is wondering around the GC advising people which plants are healthy and will do the best, I then end up with a gennarel conversation on gardening, and giving advice on all sorts of things, the staff don’t like me I wonder why’

    • Beanstew says:

      Should think the GC staff should put you on a retainer Cliff, and treasure you as their semi-resident expert – unless you tell customers the stock is a load of rubbish, or advise them to get it cheaper elsewhere.

  3. Beanstew says:

    I certainly wander alone around where I live Anne – acres of front garden paved or concreted over for car parking, and back gardens down to grass and trampolines. Next door’s back garden has a large workshop, and a big summer chalet overlooking
    the only vacant ground where four cars are parked. But at least they feed the birds. The other side houses the blasted wild cherry tree that suckers everywhere…..I wander lonely as a cloud except for GardenClickers….

    • cilla says:

      You’re among friends BS, take heart.:P

    • I consider myself a rose between to thorns, BS so to speak, I have a cottage garden back &front, one neighbor has a tarmac front garden&3/4 decking, the little bit of grass is for their dogs! the other side, gravel front garden&paved&large workshop in the back! neither feed the birds, one neighbor has Cd’s hanging around his garden and a great big owl on his shed roof!
      Can certainly relate to several on the list :? :)

  4. Thought provoking of a gardening-kind BS :D
    I’ve only been at it for 2 years but I go up the road where plants belonging to others are overhanging and wonder if I can just clip a bit for myself ;) I’ve actually done it and managed to propagate the tiniest bit of campanula just edging out of someone’s drive onto the public pavement, not to mention quite a nice wild rose type in but also just out of my neighbour’s garden ;)

    • Beanstew says:

      Be a miracle if you had not managed to propagate that campanula Jane. I have a couple that rampage all over the place, and I haul them out in handfulls – but lovely if they would only stay in their alloted space. If they weren’t so pretty they’d be classified as weeds.

  5. Beanstew says:

    Its not often mentioned in polite company – but most gardeners are incorrigble rogues when it comes to acquiring a new plant, especially free. I have never understood why they don’t make women leave their handbags at the garden gate on garden Open Days. A quick inspection would uncover nail scissors, plastic bags, and a wad of wetted tissue in several.

  6. Yewbarrow says:

    love it BS think its a true description of most of us – my Dad was a terror for “acquiring” new plants, bits just fell into his hands and grew as soon as he got them home and potted up, we have a hardy fuscia always called Dad’s fuscia” which about 60 years a piece just lept into his hand as we were walking back to our digs in Dawlish (scuse spelling of fusha – can’t remember how) and we have all kept pieces of it going ever since – and one year we came home with a car full of geraniums, the council were emptying their beds and Dad asked if he could have them, cuttings taken by the 100 and he grew them on for the next year – is that where I get it from?

  7. Beanstew says:

    Somewhere in humankind’s genetic blueprint there is a gene as yet unidentified, which can potentially turn us into thieves of green things. It is probably derived from a common gene shared by magpies which steal bright glittery objects – so not entirely our fault! Luckily there is also another gene shared by nearly every gardener, of unbounded generosity. Most gardeners if asked for a cutting or seeds, understand that longing only too well – and will press the desired cutting on the recipient (rather than getting lumps torn out of the plant in question). So I’m pretty sure you get it from your father, just as I got it from my Mum

  8. Hayley says:

    Well, I’m admitting to all of them Sheila, although maybe I’d give the spare annuals I’d brought on to the friend buying them from the GC, whether they wanted them or not ;) You’re certainly not alone, you’re a hybrid of a certain type of species.

    • gertie says:

      Here hear….guilty as charged to all that Sheila :-) except the idea of wet tissue and a plastic bag at shows…hadn’t thought of that one ;-) Crumbs, aren’t we awful!! :-) ….a green gene….mmmm?

      • gonewest says:

        Along our little turning, we all own the bit of hedgerow the other side of the road from us that serves as a bit of privacy from the playground behind it. I noticed one of the neighbours has a bit of symphoricarpos (snowberry) and Mr Gonewest (not being much of a one for gardening did happen to mention that he likes that). I couldn’t find it in the garden centres and read up in my propagation book. It said that it propagates by suckers that can be divided off now. Neighbours are away, and it’s not like I was going into their garden, so I’ve “borrowed” me a bit. Tut-tut.

  9. Beanstew says:

    That answer of yours Hayley gives a pretty broad hint about one of our commonest peculiarities – we ALWAYS germinate TOO MANY seeds and grow TOO MANY plants. Caroline and Jacqui in France are both sad examples of just how far this aberration can be carried, and rural France may never be the same again. I only hope their husbands can endure the public outcry with equanimity.

  10. karenp says:

    well i certainly am admitting to a lot of them especially the housework as in the spring and summer its a quick flick i’m afraid i do my spring cleaning just before xmas :D as for those sticky finger syndrome when your visiting gardens i definitely got that from my Mum and my Nan who always came back with cuttings and seeds wrapped up in tissue paper :D

  11. VegVamp says:

    Oh crikey, guilty as charged, on all counts and you may as well add spuds chitting in the newly decorated/revamped dining room and every window sill shortly to be covered in (far too many) seedlings. @duncan really need that embarrassed smiley now, :?

  12. cilla says:

    When we lived in Herefordshire we came across a deserted and abandoned house in the middle of a wood. Of course we had to explore and I found a poor Penstemon in its pot lying on its side so I rescued it. Some pieces dropped off it which I put in water and they rooted. The plants grew on briliantly and have been with us ever since. I propagate them every year and have given countless away and they flower prolifically whatever the weather. so not so ill gotten gains.

  13. Beanstew says:

    Was a simple act of mercy on your part Cilla. Some others might have gone back with a spade (if there was anything worth digging up).

  14. ANDY B says:

    Hi there BS .
    Oh my good lord , this has really made me chuckle , and also made me cast my mind back to the ‘ glory days ‘ of being sectioned , for my own health and safety , under section 136 of the mental health act !!!!
    As i recollect , i was given these so called checklists to complete , mainly to assess that i was of sound enough mind and body , to rejoin society , as a near , normally functioning member of society , or whether they should escort me to a padded suite for one , and try again in about 40 years .
    I digress , but the parity lies in that , if i had admitted to as many foibles on those assessment charts , as i had to hold my hands up to on your ‘ guilty list ‘ , i am guessing that my allotment would probably be behind the fence at Rampton , not in the idyllic heart of rural Oxfordshire .
    Well done BS , as always your literary genius , and heartwarming sense of humour is outstanding . Please never change . XXX.

  15. Beanstew says:

    Good evening Andy! I think “they” are daft if they expect to confine the complexity of a human being to a checklist – and probably the only reason that similar checklists do not exist for gardeners, is that it would entail a massive building programme, and have serious implications for the NHS budget. Does it really matter if we are all pleasantly dotty together? And all similarly obsessed? At least the company is good, and we can grow some real mean plants between us. Lovely to see you again.

  16. karenp says:

    lol so glad i’m not the only one, i have my bag of compost for the seeds in my dining room to keep warm, spuds chitting on windowsill, seedlings on kitchen sill, soon all windowsills will have trays on them, my kitchen is my potting shed as do find the worktops the right height :D

  17. Walt says:

    Blimey ! I ain’t done nothing yet ! Seed spuds have yet to come and holding back on everything else !

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