Return to My Inner Primitive….











As a Clicker, I’ve never hidden my deep dissatisfaction with the Scottish climate, and its adverse effects on my efforts to grow things.  In the midst of Caledonian gloom, I have gnashed my teeth at Southern temperatures, and your blessed sunlight.  NO MORE (well, not for a couple of weeks, at least).  A few weeks of dry weather with heat have been enough to prove that it is only our unremitting rain that has kept half of my back garden alive, in competition with the aphid-infested wild cherry tree next door.

blog-593-copyDesperate situations call for desperate measures – so avert your eyes while I gird up my loins, invoke the Gods in an ancient rite, and call for some blessed rain.  A yellowing lawn bestrewn with blackened leaves (dessicated by black cherry aphid) and cherry suckers deserves my best soft shoe shuffle, with the pious hope that the Gods are devoid of a critical faculty.  The border immediately under the tree is already a desert – but it was probably silly of me to put it there in the first place.  It will have to be replanted with things for dry shade.

grateful give thanks thessalonians










Thankfully, my graceless gyrations have been answered – not with the flash-flood type deluge I was calling for – but with some showers, and a cessation of that dreadful  heat that sucked the remaining life  out of everything within the tree’s ambit.  (The Gods may have a critical faculty after all – have they just blown me a raspberry?)  Never mind – I am so thankful to have the old familiar grey cloud cover back, with it’s tantalising possibility of rain .  Perhaps if I promise the Gods never to do another rain dance, it will absolutely  pour.

18 Responses

  1. VegVamp says:

    Brilliantly written as always Sheila, sorry but I did laugh out loud at times reading this. However, having seen this for myself, I do know the dreadful effect this cherry tree from hell has had on your garden. You have my deepest sympathy, it is a monster. I’m just astonished that you haven’t resorted to wielding a drill in one hand and brushwood killer in the other. :yes: :lol:

  2. Beanstew says:

    The day approaches – although by nature I am a law-abiding person. He did say initially that he would do something about it – but that was weeks ago. He is too mean to hire a tree surgeon, and I think his son-in-law has wisely refused to help him this time. It really is too dangerous for an enthusiastic amateur without the proper gear or training – and I do not want his blood on my hands. Do you think this treatment would be successful if applied above fence line? Otherwise I would have to make a hole in his fence (made out of pallets) which is a bit of a give-away.

    • VegVamp says:

      His blood would be all over my lawn by now, never mind my hands. ;-)
      What about drilling into some of the roots on your side? :whistle:

      • Beanstew says:

        Should explain that it is the innocent blood of his son-in-law that I am concerned about – not the tree’s owner. Have considered trenching down the side of the fence to expose the roots before cutting them. If I injected poison on the tree side of the root, would it still affect the tree if the root was cut below the poison? Question for Allan! It occurred to me that if the root was unable to draw up moisture, the poison would just sit in place and have only a local effect.

  3. Love your rants, Sheila but do sympathise with this – I echo VV’s suggestion :good:
    How high is the tree? Is there any part of it you can reach to lop off?

    • Allan says:

      Wait until bonfire night, Sheila,A well placed fire should sort it out for next year.Though if you do that,We won’t have any more of your rants on here, So leave the fire. :whistle: :whistle:

    • VegVamp says:

      It’s a massive tree Jane, and any branches on Sheila’s side are well out of reach. A nightmare to sort as the proper solution is complete removal and it needs a professional to do it safely. :negative:

  4. Beanstew says:

    There is a rant brewing, Allan, about the need of the BBC to devote three channels every day to the Commonwealth Games – are we really a nation of sport fanatics, or am I turning into a curmudgeon as Duncan has suggested?

  5. gibbon says:

    if you get a bottle of glyphosate, and double the recomended strenth, and are shore that you will have dry weather for six hours, and the chap is out , then spray the side of the tree facing you (the leaves that is ) the leaves will turn yellow then brown ,(not just were you sprade but all around the tree ) a neibour of mine who is growing a climber betwen the windows is spreding on to my walls and refusing to doany thing about it ,so I said ,fair enough, I wont mention it againe, he now waters it twice a day to try to save it the leaves on top have turned brown and it is spreding down the bush, it will reach the roots soon, ,when asked if I could help I said there must be somthing in the soil that has efected it, I dont even glance at it I dont have too. :good:

  6. karenp says:

    Oh Sheila I do enjoy your rants too :lol: and love the drawings too, could do with a rain dance down here in the very hot and humid south, and no need for any envy as struggling to keep anything going in the garden, my lawn is no more, would be happy with just the dried look but Alfie has put a stop to that when he runs up the garden there’s a dust cloud behind him :wacko: , we’ve got ugly maple tree the weed type growing in my messy neighbours garden along with brambles a dog rose and lilac that’s continually trying to invade my little haven, so fully sympathise with you as it does take over you thoughts each time your in the garden, and what with her fence panels collapsing in places it’s a blooming mess :rage: now I must stop as I feel a rant too but no humour just lots of choice words welling up to shout out :wacko: :wacko:
    Poisoning the roots sounds a good idea with the cherry tree :good:

    • Beanstew says:

      Oh gosh Karen – those maples are an absolute menace – and they seed everywhere (just like the bl**dy cherry) – so perhaps you have made me feel a bit better – there is nothing like hearing about the misfortunes of others, to cheer you up unfortunately……even when you like them. What does that say about us? We don’t like to suffer alone or silently?

  7. karenp says:

    Most definitely does make you feel better knowing your not alone, I,m forever pulling up young seedlings from my borders :rage: and now I,m having to watch this ugly tree grow bigger in her garden, her family are useless and won’t do a thing for her, makes me seething as they,’ve got money and could easily pay a tree surgeon to remove these trees, she does have a gardener who cuts her lawn every 2 weeks now, no weeding ever done though, I feel a rant coming on !!!!!! :wacko:

  8. Beanstew says:

    I’m just sitting here with my arms folded – waiting for your rant, Karen. Bring it on! Nothing like a good belly-rumbling rant for clearing the air and making you feel better. And both our stories make it easier to understand how some of those neighbourly feuds might start too, although I don’t want to go there.

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